Families need a Mother and a Father for good Mental Health Development
As children we look to our parents for answers, discipline, and guidance. When one parent is missing we often tend to not get what we need to emotionally grow or feel helped.
Being in a one parent family.
As I grew up as a youth I had to go to my mom for all the answers. My Dad was always working so when he did finally get home he wasn't in the mood to talk and was often ready for bed when he got home. I grew up wanting and needing to spend time with my dad but after years of asking to go fishing, throw the ball or go to the park I finally gave up.
I had two other brothers and two other sisters and for the most part they kept me entertained. Because of not getting the attention I needed I had wished I was an only child. At night time I would go and kneel in front of my bed and pray to God to make it so I was the only one. " Dear lord, please take my brothers and sisters so mom and dad will spend more time with me. Please have my dad lose his job so he's not so tired and will take me fishing". Oh, and protect everyone I love, "AMEN".
Each and every night I prayed but I thought maybe that God didn't hear me. Dad still had his Job, and Mom and Dad were both still too busy for me. After a period of time I found when I did something bad that they made time for me. This seemed to be the answer to my prayers. I slowly developed a behavior of being bad and getting stressed out so I would finally be the center of attention. I was rewarded by being disciplined by being sent to my room, but minutes later sitting on the stairs with my mom talking. Some of the best times in my youth were those talks with my mom which often left us both crying on the bottom stair of the staircase.
The need for a Father Figure.
As young boys needing to grow into young men we often look towards our father or male roll model to give us guidance. Mother's just can't give a young man whats needed to grow into a man. This can be a dangerous thing in todays times because often what a young teen finds is an older teen who gives advice. Todays teens are more aggressive and tend to make peer pressure the norm. So for a young youth to latch onto someone who is in the development stages himself can prove to be disastrous. Often older teens are exploring drugs, alcohol,mischief and sex. They feel invincible so they tend to try more things and rebel against society by seeking out their own place in life and freedoms. Unaware of dangers they may lead an unsuspecting child down a path of destruction by putting them in harms way and making them grow up too quickly.
Young Teen and Stress
Now you can imagine how helpless your young boy may feel when he can't get answers to the questions he's asking. Even worse is not having anyone to ask those questions too. Depression and stress can develop over time and your child may seem confused, hard too talk to, stressed out or even in a deep depression as they spend countless hours in their room. They may develop a Social Anxiety or possibly do the opposite by getting into relationships with older teens who are more of the "misfits of society". You know the ones I'm talking about that come from broken homes, cut class, smoke and try or do drugs, and often have grades that go from being very high to plummeting and failing.
It's easy to see when your child has emotional problems by their grades changing, notes coming home from the school talking about disciplinary problems and attitude. Chances are that you will punish your child even though the cause maybe from the household itself. You have to ask yourself questions about possible causes, what's changed in the home, and also consider the age of your child. If they are going through puberty they are looking to become a man and I'm sure your still treating them like a little boy. You have to give them space and in the same note you need to give them the needed attention. It may seem to contradict each other but what it is maybe just the proper balance of freedom and guidance.
Stress turning into an anxiety
When a teen faces too much mental stress then what develops is something that becomes a bit of a nightmare. "Anxiety", a condition that can become a long time problem leaving your child in deep depression, unhappy and sick. They maybe emotionally unstable and hard to deal with and lose the focus needed to do well in school. They may often pick constantly on brothers and sisters just to entertain themselves and get the needed attention they desire. Before an Anxiety develops if the stressful situations are tended too then an anxiety will more then likely not develop.
I developed a Social Anxiety
Because of not having enough time with my parents I learned to be by myself often avoiding group socials and parties. I tended to be more on the lonely side and often sought out my own space. 30 years later I still have the same pattern though part of me sees the groups sitting together in Restaraunt's and cafe's wanting to be a part of it. I feel incapable of being with a group or developing long lasting friendships. This often makes me feel depressed and lonely and I lean towards the internet to look for all my friendships. These are safe friendships with people so far away that it is so impossible to meet that becomes my temporary relief. I "Stress", please help your child develop properly or they will suffer the rest of their lives.
I have often imagined how it would be if I died, and sadly I see close family and relatives but no friends. Often I sit in my room and shed a couple of tears with these thoughts but then I accept my predicament and go back to working on my column. I have chosen a hobby that now suits my condition. This hobby is poetry and writing which allows me to dive into what I think my life should be like. It's my fantasy world, the place where friends surround me, where love is endless, and everyone cares for each other instead of thinking about themselves and money. No, its not a perfect world but it is the only one I have. The only benefit that this once outgoing active child has is the ability to write very easily. I have been dreaming all my life, dreaming about friends, dreaming about love, and hoping someday to be accepted into a group of closely knit friends.
To learn more about Social anxiety you may consider getting a book on Social Anxiety Disorders.
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