So wheres the Beef?
and Where has my love gone?
Reasons for no sex
Sometimes in a relationship after a period of time the exciting newness of the unknown wears off or we tend to get into the same patterns of love making or sex that makes it feel like work. If you constantly have the same positions and go through the same exact motions every time how can there be anything exciting after years of doing it? "Their cant be"!
Take time to make it special atleast once and awhile and keep him or her guessing to what will come next. If your partner can basically tell you move for move what sex is like with you then you have created such a predictable pattern that just has you going through the motions. There are many people who just hunger for sex and can be perfectly happy with doing it the same way every time, which I call the "Caveman". The Caveman tends to just get right to it and may grunt and groan a bit then finishes up and gets him a sandwich or something to eat and maybe catches a tv show or two.
To get past the "Caveman" attitude when it comes to sex and love you have to become the "Explorer". The Explorer actually is willing to try many different things to please their partner and in doing so is rewarded in return with a new sexual excitement. From toys to threesomes you'll find the older generation trying to rekindle the heat they once had and in doing so get to feel tingly all over again as if they were reborn teenagers.
Some of ideas for exploring include:
- Go to the adult store and buy some new toys. If you don't have any yet then you are missing out on an unexplored area that could prove to be very stimulating.
- Rent a dirty movie together and try and duplicate what they are doing in the movie. Lose the attitude of "I would never do that"! Chances are that if you wont do it then someone else will. I hate to burst your bubble but your partner is in need of excitement and if you love them very much you may just have to sacrifice and do things you think are very gross. Also when you do these things pretend that you love it, make noises to make your partner feel hungered for, wanted, needed and most of all sexy. Sometimes good faking can lead you down to a partnership that has the strongest of bonds.
- Buy some sexy lingerie and if at all possible greet them at the door in it when they get home from work. Since they have worked all day take it upon yourself to dominate and set the pace to sexual arrousel. Remember always that the more you give the more you will recieve. This is an investment in your future and the strength of your family. If your partner is pleased they have no reason to seek out excitement anywhere else and in fact you may find them rushing home as they will become very addicted to the new you!
- Do a threesome and really make things pop! Sometimes in a long marriage or for individuals who need that constant excitement you may have to go to some drastic actions. Yes you will be jealious at first but you will get over that as you and your partner work together to seek out the right person to explore with. You may even find a couple that may help you to explore some new territories to. If you decide to go this route then please take some precautions such as: Meet the individual or couple first at a place that all of you feel compfy at, get to know the person or couple before getting involved in something intimate, set up the do's and dont's that both of you can agree on, always use protection so there is no worry about diseases, have a code word that lets your partner know that you want out of whats happening without making a scene, never allow yourself or your partner to talk on the phone to the opposite sex. (girl to girl or guy to guy) And keep it where you only meet together as couples and never as individuals. All these rules are very important to protect your relationship and your health from being negatively effected.
Certain ages affect sexual behavior
With age comes many differnt mantal and chemical changes through an individual. This can include no needing or wanting sex as often as you do or maybe even having problems about getting it up or getting into the mood of things. This is a very common thing that takes place and often a woman shows the signs first especially after she has kids and feels satisfied that she has done what she needed to do. Guys on the other hand often have a high sex drive till they hit around age 30. Often they will be begging their wives for some sex and attention and maybe asking for something new and sifferent to liven up the sex life.
Guilty from cheating or cheating on you
You may suspect your partner of cheating and maybe they have or have thought about having an affair. These days girls are just as bad about this as guys are and what really is happening is a communication break down. Sex, the need for new things in love making, and the need for excitement in unthinkable ways is very ahrd for some couples to discuss. The fact that with communication comes sexual bliss doesnt maake it easier to discuss each others wants and needs. This makes it easier for people to cheat then talk to their partner. They don't want to make their partner feel inadequate, or put them down sexually, so they risk an affair to satisfy their own animal needs. "People are animals", like it or not we still have the instincts for love,sex,food, and many other things similar to that of the caveman. So if you feel your partner is cheating and you love them very much then spice up your relationship and communicate openly with them.
Medical reasons such as not feeling good
When a person is sick,pregnant, or just has not been feeling well do to backaques or etc.. then don't expect them to be hungry for sex or love of any kind. Take care of yourself, get them to a doctor and help them to get back to health. If they are not their physically or mentally then getting sex out of them is like squeezing water from a stone. Use your head and think about your partner first and not just your needs. Work together as a team to get to where you are both happiest.
Depression and anxieties will not only stop sex and love in their tracks but can also harm your overall partnership. Without a healthy mind there is no way that a person can even enjoy making love or even having hot passionate sex.
Depression needs to be treated before a good sexual relationship can happen. Often depression can be just a phase someone is going through but can sometimes be something that needs to be medically checked. So if your partner suffers from depression then help them get treatment and stop thinking about sex. When they are healthy mentally and physically then you can expect them to rock your world as you rock theirs!
Weight changes or the way you look
You had kids and gained some weight or you just got compfy in your relationship and packed on a bit more then you have ever had. We all like to think for better or for worse just as our vows stated, "but lets get real"! Fat is not sexy to the majority of people and for some reason we are expected to just think your as sexy weighing 250 lbs as you were when you weighed 125? We all gain weight but excessive weight can make the hardest man become soft or the easiest woman to turn on become unable to have an orgasm. Both men and women are attracted to strong healthy mates as this is part of our makeup for survival and insuring a strong off-spring. If you have gained a massive amount of weight then you better start working out and eating right. Your partner may not be able to get turned on looking at all the extra poundage that you have accumalated. This is not my opinion but the opinion of the majority so please don't take any offense from this message.
Lack of exercise and proper diet
When you are unhealthy or your mate(wife,husband,boyfriend,girlfriend) is unhealthy then your sex life will most certainly be affected. Not only does your diet play with your energy levels, your weight, and the way you look, it attacks the mind and puts you into a state of laziness. It can suck the fun right out of your character and make you less likely to want loving. Afterall Hot Sex takes much energy so eat lots of fruit and vegetables.
Avoiding Sex
People avoid sex for a reason and as a good partner you should pay attention to details to find out what the reason is. Don't jump to conclusions unless you have facts you have nothing at all. Some of the reasons above give ideas to why sex is avoided but there are many more reasons and possibilities that could contribute to it. The best thing for you to do is confront the problem by asking your partner straight up what is wrong. Use you mind and not your emotions when he or she gives you an answer. You may not feel good about their answer but atleast if they tell you then it can be ironed out or fixed. Abstenance is not a choice for one in a relationship it is a choice for two. A healthy relationship needs healthy sex so don't stop confronting your partner till you find the reason for this lack of sex drive.
Not getting erect
Happens to the best of us especially when we get older. Age plays an important roll and so does the state of mind an individual is in. Try to spice up your love life by doing different things and if you have tried everything then see a doctor. It can be a medical condition, but don't give up as their are many things that can be done to fix this problem of erection.
Looking for Love
We are all looking for love and trying to get it through our partners. If your not married and you have this problem you may want to consider finding someone who is more sexually needing then your current partner. Needing sex and not getting it can cause people to go nuts if not satisfied so choose your partners wisely and don't expect miracles to happen after you get married. If they are not into sex,never in the mood before marriage, chances are unless their a virgin that these patterns will not change.
If your married then keep searching and communicating with your partner to find answers. Without communication you are doomed to a very unhappy life.
Wanting love
Wanting and needing to be loved is very important to people and is almost as important as eating. Without love where would mankind be? "EXSTINCT"! We would not be here and its only because of our desires and needs that we have survived when other species have vanished. Some would say its because we are so smart, I say "No Way"! If we were so smart would there be war? Global Warming? Nuclear Bombs? and crack cocaine?
It is so simple to see that "All we neeed is Love"!
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